Something I wrote last year which got me thinking back to my reality of living with Pnd and anxiety.
My Facebook status says that I went on a date night with hubby; true
The evening ended with me sat in a steam filled bathroom holding my
Daughter who couldn’t stop coughing.
How many of us hide our true feelings? Most of us at some point I’m sure. We decide who we are going to share things with. What we post on Facebook. Do we say something that we think is going to get “likes” or do we put up the gods honest truth? Or something inbetween.
When we see friends or family do they really know what we are feeling when we have Pnd or anxiety? From my perspective only really my husband knows the reality of what it is like living with someone going through the hardest journey of their life.
This is when Facebook becomes my mask and not my reality…
My FB status would show a photo of my girls at a family birthday celebration. “Great afternoon spent with their cousins”.
The reality would be that from the moment I woke up I was riddled with anxiety. The feeling/ ache /tightening deep down in my stomach that would only get worse before we left the house. All manner of scenarios would go through my anxious riddled mind. Am I sick? Have I caught a bug? Will I give it to my children? What if they get sick too? It’s ok my hubby has taken the girls off to the park, I can rest, but I still feel dreadful. What if I am sick? He’ll have to take the girls on his own? He could do that. No I’m fine, I will be fine. Nope I’m not fine. No, not going is not an option. But it could be, let me ask him. No I’ll be fine, it’s fine…..
Then the journey, no I’m not fine, pull over the car I’m going to throw up. Is mummy poorly daddy? It’s ok carry on I’m fine, but really I’m not.
Okay so I’m going we’re on our way, we’ll leave early. If the baby needs feeding or if I don’t feel ok then I’ll just pretend to see to her on my own upstairs. Yes that’s what I’ll do. I can cope with that. We’re here now… Better look happy… Hi, happy birthday! Yes I’m fine how are you?