So tired my brain can’t function and whilst my oldest daughter was reading a book to her sister suddenly she comes into my bedroom where I was, to be honest zoning out due to sleep deprivation from the previous disturbed night. “I’ve sung a lullaby to my sister and she’s asleep now.” She said proudly. My first thought was they were playing a little joke on me but now there she was eyes closed tucked up in bed asleep.
My eldest always seems to delay bedtime at the moment. She’s 6 and although isn’t disruptive I know that she needs a little longer now to wind down from the day. It’s not late by any stretch but still she pushes that bedtime time for that little bit longer than I’m comfortable with.
Sleep is a huge factor in my mood and motivation and since before Christmas I’ve really struggled. I’m sleeping lighter at night, like a coiled spring ready to jump up and attend to my girls needs at the slightest pip squeak. If the nights sleep has been interrupted then I’m shattered the next day and motivation to do anything around the house becomes zero. I’ve taken to food shopping online as I can’t even think what to buy so just reorder from a previous weeks order. I’m barely cooking anything as my taste buds are numb to any food. Maybe this is due to my antidepressants but it certainly doesn’t motivate me to cook anything more than pizza or pasta for the girls and practically zilch for my hubby. In fact I prefer it when he stays out late from work so that I can eat whatever I cook for the girls and don’t have to think about making his/our food.
All the jobs I think about in the house like tidying the toy room or tackling to toy box or sifting through the wardrobes to sort out their clothes are all things on my “to-do list” but to be quite honest sleep is featuring more and more at the top of this list and becoming more and more essential in ensuring I remain functioning. Today I spent the morning yawning and resting, got a second wind about 12-3.30 and felt I could do anything and then from 4 have been yawning again and counting down the hours until bedtime; the girls and most probably soon after; mine.
I’ve noticed at the weekends too when hubby is around I’ll let him have a lie-in as I’m more likely to not be able to settle back to sleep hearing the children awake so get up with them to ensure he gets some well earned sleep. I then flag around 1pm and then head off to bed for a couple of hours. I know it’s my body telling me I need to recharge and I do manage to sleep quite deeply. However I then feel totally guilty that I’ve missed out on the family time for the weekend.
I’m not sure what the answer is really but know that for the moment I need to recharge my batteries in the simplest of ways and that is sleep.