Letters I have not sent

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I tend to think a lot, some would say I over analyse, you’ve probably got that about me by now reading my blog posts. Analysing and over thinking is one of my traits that come hand in hand with my anxiety.

During my PND months that overthinking would mean me going over conversations or situations that I had had that day and thinking could I have said anything or done anything different? Did that person take offence at what I had said? Would they then think I am a shit friend and then tell others who would then think I was not right to be in the friendship group? I would be awake in the wee small hours of the morning having fed my baby, all the household were snoring away and I would be compiling a letter in my head to send to someone who was going through relationship difficulties.
I would find it easier thinking about words in letter form than conversation, perhaps it’s because things can be said in a letter that are clear and concise. The reader can read the words and know that whatever they think those words in that letter can’t be interrupted or go off track as often happens in conversation, particularly with the tone or meaning misinterpreted. With a letter it is there is black and white and can be read to make sure you know the full meaning of the thoughts the sender had.

I still write letters in my head but now I also tend to write them down too. Blogging has definitely helped me try and get topics that have been going round in my head, out of my head. Even if it is just a phrase that I’ve thought of I write it down, store it in my notes on my phone and I then can come back to it another time. The title of this post is a prime example of this. “Letters I have not sent” has been stored in my notes for a few weeks, knowing I want to write something but not entirely sure what. Until I get to a point that I know. Often I don’t and in this case I’m sat in my children’s room at 5.45am hoping they will go back to sleep mulling over my phone notes when I spotted this working title.
Writing thoughts down certainly helped my husband understand how I was feeling and still does. He’s the type of person that once something is said or done it’s over with. Conversation closed. I on the other hand am like a dog with a bone and won’t let go of the conversation until I’ve finished with it. Our arguments can be very frustrating! But at the end of the day I like to think that if he reads my words then at least he can have time to ponder of them, he then usually says I’m over analysing or reading too much into something but I trust him and know that he would and is always there to support me.

The art of letter writing could be dying out especially when we are within the social media and technology of change but there is something to be said for receiving a handwritten letter for which the recipient can understand the care and thought that went into it. I don’t receive too many but the times when friends and family have taken the time to write a letter have had the most impact on me and I feel honoured to have received them. I also always return the courtesy and write back.

So perhaps it’s time we put pen to paper once more and send someone a letter they didn’t know they were going to love receiving.

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