I’m going to talk about “fat” and body image, one thing that since turning 40 I’ve started to feel more comfortable within myself and actually have found that with not worrying about it I’ve actually maintained my size without dieting or restricting what I eat or increasing exercise. Maybe it will be the new diet trend; not to diet!
I’ve never been good at restricting what I do especially when it comes down to food. I do love food and was blessed when I was younger to have very skinny limbs and be quite lean. I was quite sporty and loved roller skating, synchronised swimming, horse riding and long distance running. When I stopped attending compulsory PE lessons at school my exercise choices went to zero. I did attempt some forms of step aerobics but realised that my co-ordination had a lot to be desired. However as my Nana always said. “What you eat now you’ll see it on your body in 2 yrs time”. Soon my midnight chips shop visits to have my chips and gravy fix caught up with me. I’m a northern lass from Manchester so chips n gravy is a staple. Don’t judge!!
I’m not one for faddy diets I never stick to them and end up craving food more. When I was getting married in the run up to the wedding I thought I had developed a food intolerance. IBS symptoms and feeling bloated and unwell after I ate something indicated to me in my naivety that I should cut things out of my diet. It made me so unhappy to look at menus in restaurants and realise I couldn’t have something. Strangely it sorted itself out when I was on honeymoon. I didn’t think about it until I got the same symptoms when I had postnatal depression and the symptoms started again. I then realised that this was a direct cause of ANXIETY. I lost my baby weight very quickly after my second baby which was when my anxiety was at its worst. Friends would comment “you look amazing” little did they know I felt utterly miserable inside.
When I started to recover to be a well mummy from my Pnd, I started attending a slimming group but ended up hating those Monday nights and the restrictions I felt being on a diet forced on me. I felt that as a mum I constantly think about food. It’s another one of my anxieties; are my children eating enough? Am I providing the right food for my family?
What’s for breakfast, dinner or tea constantly whirrs in my mind so adding my own diet to that as well only sought to increase those miserable thoughts and added to my anxieties surrounding food. I soon stopped attending the group for that reason.
Last year I turned 40 and with that comes a little self analysing. I also read lots online from other bloggers and articles regarding “staying in the pictures”. Showing off your body so that your children see the natural you. I totally agree with this and therefore made myself get in the photos with the children. No worry too much about wearing certain clothes and being photographed in them. And generally feeling more comfortable in my own body. I am alway acutely aware that raising 2 girls they will see the influence the media has on women and their bodies and I won’t have them being ashamed of theirs.
It’s so important that when they are growing up the rules don’t diddle change when you’re a grown up. Already They notice my razor in the bathroom but equally notice my “spiky” legs or hairy pits. My daughter asked me why I shave my legs and why I sometimes don’t. I replied that “it’s a bit like sometimes I like to wear make up and other times I don’t”. Some people like to do it all the time and other people don’t do it at all. I don’t want her thinking that it’s a compulsory thing to do.
I’m so much more comfortable in my own skin now and even though I have my lumps, bumps and spiky areas, other may deem them to be “fat, wobbly and hairy” but you know that’s okay too.
I might not be the perfect mummy and yes I may say f*#k in front of the kids but I won’t be saying the other f-word; fat.